Girl, Stop Apologizing

So clearly this is not an original title. Everyone and their mother, and sister and grandmother is reading this amazing book by Rachel Hollis right now. And with good reason. This book is everything. It touches on finding your self worth, owning your deepest desires and flipping the script inside your head to stop saying 'I'm sorry" and start saying " thank you". I'm not going to outline the book here but if you haven't yet done so I highly suggest you pick yourself up a copy.

What I do want to talk about is the idea that people are constantly apologizing for things that they NEED. NOT WANT. BUT NEED. Things that are good for them, that pour back in to them, but for some reason ( especially those of us with invisible illness) don't think we deserve.

Living with lupus undiagnosed seriously screwed me up. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it. I didn't want to go places. I was so much more tired than all of my friends - but didn't think I should be. I was constantly having to make up excuses to not travel to beautiful sunny places with my girls- blaming it on not having enough money instead of the real reason - I was terrified of getting sick from the sun and I didn't know why it was happening. I didn't drink alcohol. Read that again. NOT A DROP. I didn't drink for years. Every time I drank I got sick. Beer specifically killed me. I would literally throw up after 1 or 2 drinks. Wine made me wake up and have the worst joint pain of my life. WHAT. WAS. HAPPENING TO ME?!. So...I apologized.

I'm sorry I can't hang out, I'm super busy. ( lie)

I'm sorry, I can't go to Mexico I'm trying to save money ( lie).

I'm sorry, I don't drink. ( who even apologies for this?) (lie)

But here is where it gets good. Then I started denying myself of things I actually needed.

I shouldn't take a nap ( no adult naps during the day)

I shouldn't order in, have to make dinner every night of the week ( that's what good moms do)

LORD GUYS. excuses are exhausting!

So after I finally got diagnosed one might think this would stop. But it didn't. It was so ingrained in me to deny myself things I needed because I felt guilty taking them that I just kept going. And then I hit a wall. Recently I started re claiming what was rightfully mine. My sanity, my gratitude, my authenticity, my faith. It feels so good to take these things back, and more importantly to believe I deserve them.

I now make standing appointments.....with myself. To go do work, to go to yoga and to get a babysitter and meet up with friends while Dave is traveling.

It's taken a REALLY long time. But I'm done saying "I'm sorry". So in true form, instead of saying "i'm sorry this post is so long" I'm going to say, " Thanks for reading it all the way to the end".

xoxo Lori